Pigs And Wands - 23/28 September 2003 / part 4
I am lowering the harness now. Treacle trouble, bob, bobbing. Jib, jab, job, jap. He ate his hernia. Ok squat fingers, I'm on. On one. Fucking am on one, on several. Impact, infact. Floss can do, you 2. The black night sighs, B.S. I got the fear, everything is wrong. Gone wrong, wrong gone. Warm gun, the soft end, viv. Lost in the Wheels Of Confusion, at the Black Sabb agin, fucking powerful fucking stuff, had the air guitar out with hair flowing, fuck. Chuck, I'm still lonely but music like this takes some of the fucking pain away, exceptional. Fundamental rectum. One classic fucking riff after another and Ozzy on the top. I'm not dead but I don't quite know how. I know somethin's coming, I can feel it, but I don't know what it is. I'm fucking ready though, never been more ready in my entire fucking life. I'm going through changes. I'm crying again, when's it gonna stop. Ozzy the fucking poetic star. Who's playing the organ? Organza! Can U die cypher? What a lot of rot. Old rot. Rotten twat, touch of the wyatts. Whip me with yer phlegm, I'm a lesbian. From Lesbia. Need to get electric again. Electrified to compliment acoustic city. And when I do god help us all. That fucking stupid bastard who doesn't exist.
One day I walked into a pub, last year and Liz behind the bar said "You look better", I said "I feel better", she replied "God help us all." ROCK! Whitby is wobbling and I'm still fucking whistling. Got to thank you for that. Bless you sire. Keeping me alive, fucking hell. Insane 2B. Wasp. Waste. Jiggling talents not lost. Two bloody mary's and just found a diamond white, that Keith gave me the other day, in the fridge so I'm gonna neck that and see what the fuck happens. Too Me. Ik ben gek, Ik ben grote gek. I am mad in Dutch, I am very mad. But you know that.
All the ducks are swimming in the water. Daddy's dick is mother's comfort, proust. Off out.
Got smashed on vodka with Keith. Had rain storm. He stripped off to his undies, borrowed my soap and had a shower in the back yard in the rain. Blasting Sabbath - got complaint.
He stuck a doll to my mirror and gave me a garden gnome. I'm trying to pretend that everything's o.k. when it isn't. How can some one stupid, unfaithful, evil bitch destroy a person down to the heart and soul, torn apart. I know, I'm afraid. I'm trying to put myself back together but there appears to be some pieces missing.
I'm still having trouble with the fact that I'm never going to see her again and it's difficult believing that I let her treat me like she did. One day melts into the next in a big blur and I'm struggling with myself. Cheese on toast? No thanks. Next! Trust me I'm a doctor. Ha. Shite. Moo. Bleep and booster. Wigs + Ponds. And Mrs. Marples' Fin-Bags.
- The Doctor. X.
