Peek-A-Boo Man - 5/10 September 2003 / part 1
Whooo-ee Mrs!
it's Friday and I'm stoned off me map and just embarking on another vodka frenzy, fine.
Had a few days off, needed to, the last frenzy went on forever and ever and landed with a big bump
at the end of last weekend. So I chilled out with a big lump of (suprisingly good) solid for a few
days and made the most of what sun we've had, I went for a long walk on the beach up to Sandsend
and back, walked in the sea, cold but nice, it was a powerful tide that day, going out, off my trolley.
I need to talk about Peek-A-Boo Man while I can, before it's too late, it's getting weirder,
he's getting stranger. He's a sinister individual, lives in the room above me. Seedy looking,
shabbily dressed, usually unshaven, gray stubble, short hair, grayly balding, skeletal face,
quietly spoken, uncannily creepy. Walks around all the time, never seems to sit down, active until
the early hours, spends long periods cooking things. If I ever go into my kitchen, there he is above me
in his kitchen, even if he was in the other room a second ago.
It was Keith who christened him Peek-A-Boo Man. I'm convinced he's a serial-killing mass-murderer who cooks and eats his victims and renders the evidence down to nothing, I think he's so clever he's getting away with it and has got away with it for years. There are lots of strange noises going on up there and people running around half-dead with forks and knives stuck in their eye balls and blood spurting all over. That would account for the newspapers then; there is sometimes a bit of newspaper sticking out from underneath his door or, rarely, some newspaper outside it. Jimbob once saw into his room and he said there was fucking newspaper fucking everywhere, floors, walls, the fucking lot. I don't know what he suffers from but he's suffering from something, just like the rest of us in this place, including the-man-we-never-see but i think I've seen him, he can't fucking hide from me.
Peek-A-Boo Man is always opening and shutting and locking and unlocking his door. You can do all the permutations of that one yourself, I'm off for a pee and see if I can spot him lurking or unlurking, but I think he's in the kitchen preparing one of his many 'meals', he eats a fuck of a lot for such a fucking skinny bloke.
~ INTERLUDE...
No work today, the sandman's gone away. Just been listening to UFOrb by The orb, got Metallic K.O. by Iggy + the Stooges on now. Big colly-wobbles. Butchers-strength slimy nub. Upholsteries upholstered, your gun, my gun. Ronnie and his Ray-Gun. Join the dumb, suck your dummy.
...END OF INTERLUDE ~
He got his name because his door is always opening, and sometimes you see an eye, and closing again, as he peeks and finishes peeking, out. There are two flights of stairs up from my room to the front-door landing, though 'cos of the slope I am on ground-floor level at the back. If you go one flight from my room there's a toilet on a small landing, past that and up the other flight, P-A-B Mans door is the first on the right as you walk to the front door.
Sometimes at night the light outside my room will be on when I go up for a piss, I will hear someone walking up the stairs in front of me and I will have a pee then come back down to my room, P-A-B Man will then descend the stairs up which he disappeared and slip back into his room, but I can hear him of course and I know what he's up to, or rather I don't know what the fuck he's up to. Keith has often heard him scuttling around outside his door, in fact the first time he alerted me to it was when he said "I think there's a rat in the building." And I said "I know what you mean." Often you don't actually see him peeking, usually a clicking of the door opening and closing behind as you walk to the front door. I've seen him turn, as I walk out of the toilet, and pretend to be going upstairs, when I've already heard him come out of his room and lurk. Keith has many other stories, the best one is this... Keith was walking out one day, he has a slow and graceful, dancing, walk, but only slow, 'cos his legs aren't great at the moment. Maybe that's why he gets spyed on more than most 'cos P-A-B Man can hear him coming and going for ages. Anyway, he walked past P-A-B Mans door and heard him peek as he walked past, so he slowly danced himself and his rucksack backwards to observe P-A-B Man stood there, with his door half open, totally fucking naked... If you leave the front door unlocked while you nip out to the shops you will come back to find P-A-B Man has observed it and locked it...
