Munter - 16/29 December 2003 / part 4
And when I go, the lot tumbles, it all falls and FUCK. I'm crying so much inside for everything but I'm so fucked I can't get any tears to flow. Am tottering on the brink and skating on the bit of thin-ice that is the thinnest. Trying not to cry, being as bad as being homeless in Scarborough when the vale of tears was in suspense, saying to myself "don't cry, don't cry" and I still had the vestiges of waders on (in slivers) to try and cope with wading thru' the Slough of Despond, but they were so tattered that I thought 'Fuck it' in the end, took the cunts off, barefooted it and was so sad I cried and raised every pool, pond and brook, streaming from fucking here to fucking oblivion and the tip end of that for a start off (you twat-arsed-cunt-fish-chicken-fish) (by a couple of inches - 2") with my fucking tears and I've forgotten the rest of it and I'm so full of Cocaine and Whizz that I couldn't give a fucking flying fucking, fuck, fuck me, twist on top, oh shit, I can't bear it anymore, and I've wonderfully managed to self-medicate myself ('cos for fuck's sake, I know what I fucking well fucking need don't I) that although I feel that dropping teardrops would be great relief I'm so fucking drugged and Alcoholed-up that I'm numb and tear-ducts are dryed-up and all this cocaine is inhibiting my pissing and it is so debilitating and dehydrating and I'm Wobbling/Vibrating. Can't focus anymore. Fuck off. I'm.... I'm playing games with P.A.B.M. before I strangle (him) and dangle (him) from the ceiling. I've had enough / in the jar and Ian Craven (the 40 year old Johnny Rotten), died without poetic justice but had enough of it in his bones, sinews, tissue/fibre/muscle etc that he will never be forgotten.That guy was fucking poetic justice itself wasn't he. Arse. D'you remember him bent over that microphone pouring his heart and soul out and we couldn't hear a fucking word of it but provided the soundtrack anyway and then later listen back to it (on cassette tape) and all be totally blown away by listening to his amazing stream of conciousness wordartistry in total perfection with the musical rubbish we spewed out of our guts, one eye, fuck it, bollocks, it's fucking^^^^^^^^ Oh Shite, the billy 'n charlie show is almost over for another day. I'm going for a piss, slightly tweaked P.A.B.M's wotsits, if he sticks his head round the door I'll twist the cunt off and impale it on the spike but no. Take a moment, get a grip, give your head a shake, the cocaine and amphetamine violence come creeping back in, give it a rest. Why can't i stop loving you Ruth you fucking evil whore, I've had enough/in the jar. I'm fucking sick of it and I can't take anymore Crying about not being able to cry properly about RONNIE, he was my black cat, he was beautiful and I loved him so much even though he was a little thug but.... Moira the fuck bitch SHITESHITFUCKARSECUNTYBOLLOCKS BASTARDHOLE. Sick of evil cold-hearted bitches and whores, don't fuck 'em, theyre not all like that. Are they? FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF.
