Two Fried Eggs - 03/07 January 2004 / part 1
well Ruth, I'm never ever going to see you or hear from you ever again am I. I hope not. Thank fuck for that, you nearly killed me you fucking cold-hearted evil bitch. You knew what I'd been through with that stupid poison dwarf Moira and how she tried to take me on and destroy me and how I had to drag the stupid bitch to her edge, not my edge of course, and scare the fuck out of her, she asked for it and she got it and will never speak to me again, but the daft poisenous little oaf has the fucking brass-neck to come into the pub tonight with ***** my dutch ex-mate (they are now an item) and sit there and laugh and sing, so I sat in the back room with ***** who calmed me down 'cos I was trembling like fuck and ready to kick off, but no need 'cos I already proved me point the other day in there when I fuckin kicked off at her but managed not to hurt anyone especially myself, which is most important of course even though I forget that a lot 'cos I've been to the place of razoring my arm and I'm not going back there and also, only, therefore I couldn't give a fucking shite, anyone wants a go, I'm here, disturbed, frustrated, on the razor-edge of nowhere, lost it, slipped away thru my fingers, do me a fucking favour, put me out of my fucking misery but oops, you slipped, saw you, silly, silly, big mistake - YOU'RE IT. Why don't you all just fuck right off you fucking set of fucking stupid cunts and take me with you for fucks sake 'cos I'm the fucking daftest of the lot. I'm so... dah dah dah dah dah dah dah (Archers theme) etc, bollocks, lard, geese, shiny, shiny, crazy fucker, overwhelming sexual urges, no female to help and enjoy with, I'm ok now but I won't be later after another sleep 'cos that did me in, such an urgent sense of doom and loneliness I don't know where it's coming from, felt so awful today but managed to pull it all round in the end and laugh at those stupid fools leaving the pub as I got into the taxi with ***** but what the fucking hell am I supposed to do apart from cry - nah; want to fuck that fucking stupid Sarah right up her arse and teach her what is what but she won't look at me anyway 'cos of Moira and she's strange 'cos one minute I think she looks ok, and if she could see thru all the shite and the way she's being manipulated we might have a spot of fun, and the next day or whatever she looks like a total fucking Munter! and I think "Shite the fucking-bastard-bed brother I wouldn't touch her with yours"... I'm a GOON. Yes, I'm tense, stressed, wound-up, on the fucking edge and ready to smack the first silly little piece of shit that pops in me way today but it's not worth it, I'll just give it all to JAH 'cos I can't deal with it and while he's at it he can have all the Ruth shit 'cos it's fucking killing me and I'm a big strong lad and it shouldn't be a problem for my broad shoulders but I can't cope with it or deal with it on my own, it's the sort of thing only an amazing woman can provide the magic formula for and release me but I don't know where she is 'cos I'm in no fit state to go out and look for her and by the time I've festered me fucking bollocks off here waiting for her it'll be too late and I'll be dead and she and I will never enjoy the great gift that we both deserve, half of which is between her legs right now and half of which is between mine and the pleasure comes from the sharing of the two and doing what comes naturally. But here comes the shite and the shite and I've fucking had enough of that to last me. Bollocks. FUCKING DOUBLE BOLLOCKS. Blood today, not mine of course, but i can feel it flow, smell it on the wind, hope not but the moon is rising and I'm totally unstable and ready at a moments notice to shoot some cunts limbs off, torture their torso and then cut their fucking head off to put them out of their misery 'cos I would be feeling sorry for 'em. fucking hell for fuck's sake what sort of monster d'ya think I am, I've got a fucking sensitive caring side, I've got a heart, aint I? Yes, I know I have, it's in the fucking fridge, actually it's in the freezer but that's another story, please don't let me kick-off today 'cos I'm full of fury, full of anger, full of hell, full of fuck and I don't want to hurt anyone, quite the opposite, that's why I would like to find a nice female to help me funnel it all through our pleasure channels 'cos right now it's killing me and will result in someone else getting seriously hurt 'cos I'm starting to flap and I can't hurt anymore than I do already and if i thought that chopping all my limbs off would make me feel a tad better I would have done it a long time ago and become a sort of TORSO TORTOISE PARADISE so fuck off now 'cos Ive had enough.
